Flipped, Turned Up-Side Down

After Wednesday's Biggest Loser, I've been thinking about how my past has influenced my weight.

When I was 12 my life got flipped, turned up-side down: kinda like Fresh Prince but without the money and what not.

I found out very abruptly that my parents were getting divorced. While I can remember hearing my parents arguing at night, I never suspected that they'd ever go to the "Big D". Their marriage even became a point of pride for me. So, needless to say, it pretty much pulled the rug out from under me when they announced this.

That morning, before the announcement, my dad got up early and moved all of stuff to his mom's in another state (2 hours away). He was already gone alot, being a long haul truck driver and all, but this meant we wouldn't even get to see him most weekends.

My mom, having dropped from a 24 to a 4 and all this new freedom, kinda went crazy. She started partying every night and staying out until 2 and 3 in the morning.

I was left in charge of my little sister (who hated me) and my mom's best friend's ADHD little boy (who was 6 at the time).

I remember the chaos and turmoil caused by being shoved into the center of a divorce (I was the go between for my parents), the new responsibilities of being a constant babysitter and all the while going through puberty - can we say pimples and popularity = stress!

I turned to food.

It was always there. It made me feel good. Plus, it never stressed me out.

As I got older, I got more and more involved in sports. I made a couple of select softball and soccer leagues and even played both sports for my high school. These activities kept my weight right around 135 lbs. We're native american and dutch so we're pretty muscular people - I had a six pack to prove it!

Then, college. STRESS + no more sports = weight gain. I think I gained the "freshman 50" instead of the "freshman 15".

Then, four months later, I met the man of my dreams and hello 200 lbs.

Then, two years later, custody battle, adoption and hello 230+ lbs.

I've stayed so busy these last few years, I haven't focused on myself at all. I haven't changed my diet either. I am still eating like that lonely, stressed out 12 year old but I'm not staying as active as the 16 year old version of myself either.

I am thankful to have had this discovery...now, I can start learning how to deal with it and move on.

Food can no longer be my crutch when I am lonely. I need to lean upon the Lord in those times. After all the Lord did say...

"...I will never leave you or forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5

BL Breakdown

Gracious! Where have I been?!

While life has been rushing by I have put back on 4 of the 9 pounds I lost.

Last night, I hit a break through.

While watching the Biggest Loser, I found myself yet again, eating. I had some popcorn and at least two servings of Honey Nut Cheerios...how sad is that?!

But, it worked to my advantage last night. I can't remember exactly who it was - I'm thinking Rudy - but one of the cast members went on a long walk with Jillian.

What they talked about spoke VOLUMES to me. VOLUMES, I tell you. It really hit home that I was alone and eating, no less.

Anyway, this cast member's sister had gone into the hospital when he was a young man and consequently his parents spent a lot of time with her there. Sadly, he was bounced from house to house for quite some time and started eating to mask the pain.

As I was watching tears snuck (is that a word? oh well, i'm using it anyway) out of my eyes and ran down my face.

That's the key. Right there. The key to my weight gain. While the PCOS did it's damage and certainly isn't helping me lose weight - my weight problems started a LOONG time ago.

Want to hear the story? Tune in tomorrow....

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...and can I just say that Rebecca looks AMAZING!?!?!?! WOW!!!

Oh, and I am starting to tweet - so follow me! I'll be texting in my daily goals, weight loss updates, graceful moments and faux paus. @gymbagdropout

I'm in LOVE! and I don't care who knows it!

(J. Crew)

If this is still available after I've drop my lbs. I am SOOOO buying it! I love the overstated henley and the precious ruffled undershirt! Casual yet classy!

I had an excellent weekend! It was busy and full of calories but I am excited to say that I am 1 lb. from losing 10 lbs. this month!! YEA!!!!

I'm making a new rule right now: for every 10lbs. I lose I get to treat myself to a beauty treatment of my choice. This month - PEDICURE! My toes are looking less than ladylike right about now!

Did you reward yourself for meeting weight loss goals? If so, what was your favorite one??