When I was 12 my life got flipped, turned up-side down: kinda like Fresh Prince but without the money and what not.
I found out very abruptly that my parents were getting divorced. While I can remember hearing my parents arguing at night, I never suspected that they'd ever go to the "Big D". Their marriage even became a point of pride for me. So, needless to say, it pretty much pulled the rug out from under me when they announced this.
That morning, before the announcement, my dad got up early and moved all of stuff to his mom's in another state (2 hours away). He was already gone alot, being a long haul truck driver and all, but this meant we wouldn't even get to see him most weekends.
My mom, having dropped from a 24 to a 4 and all this new freedom, kinda went crazy. She started partying every night and staying out until 2 and 3 in the morning.
I was left in charge of my little sister (who hated me) and my mom's best friend's ADHD little boy (who was 6 at the time).
I remember the chaos and turmoil caused by being shoved into the center of a divorce (I was the go between for my parents), the new responsibilities of being a constant babysitter and all the while going through puberty - can we say pimples and popularity = stress!
I turned to food.
It was always there. It made me feel good. Plus, it never stressed me out.
As I got older, I got more and more involved in sports. I made a couple of select softball and soccer leagues and even played both sports for my high school. These activities kept my weight right around 135 lbs. We're native american and dutch so we're pretty muscular people - I had a six pack to prove it!
Then, college. STRESS + no more sports = weight gain. I think I gained the "freshman 50" instead of the "freshman 15".
Then, four months later, I met the man of my dreams and hello 200 lbs.
Then, two years later, custody battle, adoption and hello 230+ lbs.
I've stayed so busy these last few years, I haven't focused on myself at all. I haven't changed my diet either. I am still eating like that lonely, stressed out 12 year old but I'm not staying as active as the 16 year old version of myself either.
I am thankful to have had this discovery...now, I can start learning how to deal with it and move on.
Food can no longer be my crutch when I am lonely. I need to lean upon the Lord in those times. After all the Lord did say...
"...I will never leave you or forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5
