I didn't get in trouble!

You wouldn't believe how relieved I was when she told me how she completely understands taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself. I should have know she'd be cool about it...

I mean, she is a woman.

She does the exact same thing!

The appointment went well except that I learned in the last year I've gained 10 lbs.

She's going to keep me on Metformin and took me off of the other medication....

I can't remember it's name.

She gave me a prescription for the rx-strength Ally but when I got to the pharmacy to pick it up I found out that my insurance didn't cover it and I'd have to shell out $395. NO THANK YOU!

Before I found out about PCOS and all it's glory, I had never been on a diet in my life. I was of the mind set that you work your tail off (literally) and eat a very low calorie, low fat diet.

I wasn't good at living up to this standard but that is what I believed to be the key to weight loss: hard work and discipline.

Since my diagnosis, I have been on South Beach, Weight Watchers and a personalized plan developed by a family member who I am sure owns stock in Whole Foods.

Anyway...back to the story...

She gave me two more prescriptions for a gym membership as well as for a professional dietitian. The reason for the script was so that the fees for these two services would be covered by my Federal Spending Account.

I decided to go price some gyms in my area so that we can update our budget next week. This concept is completely foreign to gym salesmen! I was 20 minutes late meeting up with my family because the sales guy got his manager involved when I didn't jump on board and sign up with the club immediately.

I learned my lesson and won't deal with another one in person until I'm ready to put some money down. From here on out, I'm googling!

I've done some research into RDs in my area and have a few on my list to call for consultations.

Hopefully I can find someone soon!

Oh, and the Dr. ordered Hubs to get his "little boys" checked out. I think I actually heard Hubs' jaw hit the floor when I told him she wanted him to get checked out. He's a trooper and (after he composed himself) let me know he'd do whatever it takes.

So that's the update.

By the way, thank you ladies for wanting to know an update! I am SO excited that you all are interested in what's going on in my little corner of the world!

Whoa! I blog?!

Sorry I've been neglecting this thing. I really have no good excuse, I've just been away. It's kind of hard to remember to get on here and spill my guts.


Anyway...what's new?


I've gained back 5 lbs. I'm not working out. I have started eating a little bit better - nothing to write home about, that's for sure. I'm not taking my meds.


But that is all about to change.


See, back in February when my doctor told me about PCOS and weight loss and what not I was super motivated and fell flat on my face - as you well know if you've read my previous posts. Then, in May, she prescribed me two pills...


Metformin (for weight loss) and Spironolactone (for -ahem- excess hair growth...oh the joys of PCOS).


Come to find out, Metformin stimulates the ovaries sometimes helping otherwise infertile women conceive. That's great! I would LOOOOOVE to have a baby. Right now though, my body, I don't think could handle the stress of a pregnancy.


Spiro, while it does help with the extra unwanted hair, causes birth defects. It's usually only prescribed along with birth control.


My doctor put me on these two medications without birth control. So, when I found out what could happen because of these two meds, I stopped taking them.


....and didn't call my doctor.


.....and didn't schedule my three month check up.


......and only scheduled an appointment at six months because of a never ending migraine.


So, today I am going to see her again. I'm sure I'll be put in time out and maybe given a few lashings across my knuckles for my transgressions.

Hopefully though, we'll be able to come up with some kind of plan to help me drop these pounds and get healthy. I'm ready to break this cycle!

Flipped, Turned Up-Side Down

After Wednesday's Biggest Loser, I've been thinking about how my past has influenced my weight.

When I was 12 my life got flipped, turned up-side down: kinda like Fresh Prince but without the money and what not.

I found out very abruptly that my parents were getting divorced. While I can remember hearing my parents arguing at night, I never suspected that they'd ever go to the "Big D". Their marriage even became a point of pride for me. So, needless to say, it pretty much pulled the rug out from under me when they announced this.

That morning, before the announcement, my dad got up early and moved all of stuff to his mom's in another state (2 hours away). He was already gone alot, being a long haul truck driver and all, but this meant we wouldn't even get to see him most weekends.

My mom, having dropped from a 24 to a 4 and all this new freedom, kinda went crazy. She started partying every night and staying out until 2 and 3 in the morning.

I was left in charge of my little sister (who hated me) and my mom's best friend's ADHD little boy (who was 6 at the time).

I remember the chaos and turmoil caused by being shoved into the center of a divorce (I was the go between for my parents), the new responsibilities of being a constant babysitter and all the while going through puberty - can we say pimples and popularity = stress!

I turned to food.

It was always there. It made me feel good. Plus, it never stressed me out.

As I got older, I got more and more involved in sports. I made a couple of select softball and soccer leagues and even played both sports for my high school. These activities kept my weight right around 135 lbs. We're native american and dutch so we're pretty muscular people - I had a six pack to prove it!

Then, college. STRESS + no more sports = weight gain. I think I gained the "freshman 50" instead of the "freshman 15".

Then, four months later, I met the man of my dreams and hello 200 lbs.

Then, two years later, custody battle, adoption and hello 230+ lbs.

I've stayed so busy these last few years, I haven't focused on myself at all. I haven't changed my diet either. I am still eating like that lonely, stressed out 12 year old but I'm not staying as active as the 16 year old version of myself either.

I am thankful to have had this discovery...now, I can start learning how to deal with it and move on.

Food can no longer be my crutch when I am lonely. I need to lean upon the Lord in those times. After all the Lord did say...

"...I will never leave you or forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5

BL Breakdown

Gracious! Where have I been?!

While life has been rushing by I have put back on 4 of the 9 pounds I lost.

Last night, I hit a break through.

While watching the Biggest Loser, I found myself yet again, eating. I had some popcorn and at least two servings of Honey Nut Cheerios...how sad is that?!

But, it worked to my advantage last night. I can't remember exactly who it was - I'm thinking Rudy - but one of the cast members went on a long walk with Jillian.

What they talked about spoke VOLUMES to me. VOLUMES, I tell you. It really hit home that I was alone and eating, no less.

Anyway, this cast member's sister had gone into the hospital when he was a young man and consequently his parents spent a lot of time with her there. Sadly, he was bounced from house to house for quite some time and started eating to mask the pain.

As I was watching tears snuck (is that a word? oh well, i'm using it anyway) out of my eyes and ran down my face.

That's the key. Right there. The key to my weight gain. While the PCOS did it's damage and certainly isn't helping me lose weight - my weight problems started a LOONG time ago.

Want to hear the story? Tune in tomorrow....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...and can I just say that Rebecca looks AMAZING!?!?!?! WOW!!!

Oh, and I am starting to tweet - so follow me! I'll be texting in my daily goals, weight loss updates, graceful moments and faux paus. @gymbagdropout

I'm in LOVE! and I don't care who knows it!

(J. Crew)

If this is still available after I've drop my lbs. I am SOOOO buying it! I love the overstated henley and the precious ruffled undershirt! Casual yet classy!

I had an excellent weekend! It was busy and full of calories but I am excited to say that I am 1 lb. from losing 10 lbs. this month!! YEA!!!!

I'm making a new rule right now: for every 10lbs. I lose I get to treat myself to a beauty treatment of my choice. This month - PEDICURE! My toes are looking less than ladylike right about now!

Did you reward yourself for meeting weight loss goals? If so, what was your favorite one??

I WANT YOU (and the biggest loser breakdown)

Ok, who didn't cry watching last night's episode?

I'm serious, you guys, I couldn't hold the tears back! Abby is such a strong woman...much stronger than I can imagine myself ever being.

I will miss her being on the show each week. I just have a hard time understanding how someone as stellar as Abby gets kicked off before Tracey.

I don't know Tracey personally or anything but she hasn't exactly been the model Biggest Loser Contestant. Something about her worries me, to be honest.

What did you all think of last night's episode?

**I NEED YOU**

I would like to start doing a weekly interview with someone in the blogging world who has lost weight. Please e-mail me at gymbagdropout@gmail.com and let me know what your blog address is, a bit about your story and send a before/after picture.

Thanks!

Oh the shame...

Sooo...I totally blew my healthier lifestyle again last night!

I ate a very good and healthy dinner - baked lemon pepper chicken, seasoned rice and LOTS of baked broccoli (yes, I bake broccoli!). Then, after scrubbing two bathtubs...and I mean full on IN THE TUB scrubbing (tile included) I heated up a bowl of potato soup. At 11 o'clock.

Oh the shame...

BUT! Today is a new day! The Lord's mercies are new each and every day! ...and I forgot to eat breakfast! Whoops! Good thing it's still morning, right?!

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Lamentations 3:22-24 (King James Version)

Moving On

Whew!

What a tough weekend for eating healthy and being active!

I spent all weekend celebrating my son's sixth birthday. Since he got to make all of the fun choices (food, movies, where to go...stuff like that) I pretty much knew I was in trouble. The good news is that I only gained 1 pound this weekend! I can work that off this week - no problem!

Here's what I ate over the weekend...

Friday Evening
Salad! (go me! i loathe salad but I actually enjoyed this one.)

Saturday (remember this is all at the little boy's request)
Donuts
Pizza
Fruit Roll Up
Cake
Pizza (leftovers)

Sunday
1 Cup Honey Nut Cheerios with 1/2 cup of 1% milk
Potato Soup
Pizza
....and then for dinner more pizza and cinnamon rolls and more things I shouldn't have

Let me just tell you, by the time I went to sleep last night I was SO miserable! When you've been eating the right portions of the right things and then go back to what you used to do - you're in for trouble!

I'm ready for a fresh start this week!

Weekend Inspiration

Each Friday I will post a picture, story or cartoon meant to help me (and you!) stay motivated over the weekend...

Here are two of my favorite looks from J. Crew!

Giveaway: Stop by Amanda's Blog, Another Prior Fat Girl, and register to win a 2-year subscription to Shape Magazine!!!

My Top 10

One of my major fights in the battle against the bulge is motivation.

As a busy working (outside the home) mom, women's ministry leader and (of course) wife...I cherish the down time I get while watching my various tv shows or going out with the girls. If given the choice between relaxing or spending 20 minutes being yelled at by Jillian - I'll 99% of the time choose the relaxing.

BUT...

I'm making a change. I need to start choosing Jillian over my couch. I need to choose broccoli over potatoes...water over root beer...

Here are my Top 10 Reasons to make the right choices...

1. I need to honor God with my body! This 230ish lb. woman is too self-conscious to do anything for the Kingdom. Besides, He created this body, least I could do is take care of it.

2. To be more healthy! I want to avoid diabetes, heart disease and other weight related illnesses.

3. Set a good example for my son.

4. So I can have a baby naturally. (We adopted our son three years ago)

5. To be able I can cross my legs again.

6. So I won't be embarrassed reconnecting with my high school friends - they knew me as a size 8.

7. So I can shop at my favorite stores: Banana Republic, J. Crew, Eddie Bauer, Ann Taylor and The Gap.

8. So I can get that cute choppy bob hairstyle I love so much!

9. To be able to walk up the stairs without being winded. I'd love to be able to eventually run a mile under 10 minutes!

10. So I can feel good about the body that the Lord has blessed me with!

About The Dropout

Hello there!

Welcome to Gym Bag Dropout.

The Background

When I was young (18 and under) I never struggled with my weight. I had poor body image but I was not overweight by any stretch. As a competitive softball player, I stayed active and ate whatever I pleased, whenever I pleased. I think this is where my problem got started.

After I quit playing softball, I kept eating the way I always did. Praise the Lord I had an AMAZING metabolism and didn't gain a pound.

...that is, until the first semester of my freshman year. I am pretty sure I gained it the day I registered for classes.

Life has never been easy so between emotional eating and the bad habits I had already established I quickly went from 135 lbs (at 5'2" and VERY muscular - 6 pack and all!) to 160 lbs.

Then, to the surprise of my dad, who (in a very loving way, believe me) told me if I didn't lose weight that I'd never find a husband...I got engaged. After that I threw all caution to the wind and ballooned to over 200 lbs.

Don't get me wrong...I didn't over eat so much as I ate the wrong stuff. I consider potatoes more of a vegetable than broccoli - what the heck is broccoli anyway?

A couple of years ago I decided that enough was enough. I gritted my teeth and attempted to lose the weight.

It wouldn't come off!

I tried EVERYTHING and I couldn't even lose a pound! About that time a wild little one year old blessed us with his presence in our lives and we began a custody/adoption process. Long story short...I was so busy with that mess I couldn't even think about weight loss!

Fast forward three years to February 2009. I went for my first (yes, my first!) yearly "lady" check up and found out that I had PCOS which explained SO much!

So where am I now?

I'm trying to beat the havoc wreaked upon my body by the PCOS. I have the classic, no fun, symptoms. Weight gain, difficult weight loss, male patterned hair growth, acne. Tons o' fun.

Weight: 235 (down from 240 two weeks ago)
Diet: Doing Weight Watchers program solo
Workout: Shred by Jillian Michaels (KILLER!)
Weekly Bad Habit To Drop: NO MORE COKE

So Why 'Gym Bag Dropout"

I have just quit my Gold's Gym membership. I never went and, frankly, being over 230 lbs. I didn't feel exactly welcome among all the body builders and beauty queens. One thing I am especially thankful for - no more gym bags!